The Joke of the Day

Jokes, Stories, Cool Websites, Pranks, etc. If it makes you laugh, post it here.
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vioguez
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Re: The Joke of the Day

Unread postby vioguez » Fri Mar 06, 2015 4:58 pm

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
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Re: The Joke of the Day

Unread postby vioguez » Wed Apr 29, 2015 6:56 am

Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob." ::DancingBanana::
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Re: The Joke of the Day

Unread postby vioguez » Wed Oct 14, 2015 2:35 pm

I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629." ::DancingBanana:: ::DancingBanana:: ::DancingBanana::
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Re: The Joke of the Day

Unread postby vioguez » Fri Jan 29, 2016 5:07 pm

It was Christmas Eve. A woman came home to her husband after a day of busy shopping. Later on that night when she was getting undressed for bed, he noticed a mark on the inside of her leg. "What is that?" he asked. She said, "I visited the tattoo parlor today. On the inside of one leg I had them tattoo 'Merry Christmas,' and on the inside of the other one they tattooed 'Happy New Year.'" Perplexed, he asked, "Why did you do that?" "Well," she replied, "now you can't complain that there's never anything to eat between Christmas and New Years!" ::DancingBanana:: ::DancingBanana:: ::DancingBanana::
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Re: The Joke of the Day

Unread postby NATAN » Fri Jan 29, 2016 5:18 pm

:puke: :lol:
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Re: The Joke of the Day

Unread postby vioguez » Mon Apr 11, 2016 3:04 pm

So one time I was just thinking of stories to tell and I thought of one. I asked my friends "do you guys remember the first time". "Oh hell yeah they all say" so I'm telling them about mine. So I say well the first time I had sex was in the grass in a vacant plainy area. It was a perfect day and we were just going at it for hours and then suddenly her mom comes up to us out of no where. so i'm like oh shit "holy shit what did she do" asks my friend I reply "The first thing that came out of her mouth was baaaaaaaaah
::DancingBanana:: ::DancingBanana::
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Re: The Joke of the Day

Unread postby Tommy » Tue Apr 12, 2016 4:02 pm

I think that might actually truly be Greases story of his first time :)

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Re: The Joke of the Day

Unread postby vioguez » Wed Jul 20, 2016 3:51 pm

Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"
:D
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Re: The Joke of the Day

Unread postby NATAN » Mon May 01, 2017 1:20 pm

Two men are waiting at the gates of heaven and strike up a conversation.

"How'd you die?" the first man asks the second.
"I froze to death," says the second.
"That's awful," says the first man. "How does it feel to freeze to death?"
"It's very uncomfortable at first," says the second man. "You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping.

How about you, how did you die?"

"I had a heart attack," says the first man. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly but found her alone watching television. I ran around the house looking for her lover but could find no one. As I ran up the stairs to the attic, I had a massive heart attack and died."

The second man shakes his head. "That's so ironic," he says.
"What do you mean?" asks the first man.
"If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."
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Re: The Joke of the Day

Unread postby Tommy » Mon May 01, 2017 2:33 pm

yeah...
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Re: The Joke of the Day

Unread postby NATAN » Thu May 04, 2017 3:41 pm

At the final dinner of an international conference, an American delegate turned to the Chinese delegate sitting next to him, pointed to the soup and asked somewhat condescendingly, 'Likee soupee?'
The Chinese gentlemen nodded eagerly.

A little later, it was 'Likee fishee?' and 'Likee meatee?' and 'Likee fruitee?' and always the response was an affable nod.

At the end of the dinner the chairman of the conference introduced the guest speaker of the evening: none other than the Chinese gentleman who delivered a penetrating, witty discourse in impeccable English, much to the astonishment of his American neighbour.

When the speech was over, the speaker turned to his neighbour and with a mischievous twinkle in his eye and asked, 'Likee speechee?'
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Re: The Joke of the Day

Unread postby NATAN » Sat May 06, 2017 10:13 pm

I just bought a U2 navigation system.


It's not very good though, the streets have no names.

And I still haven't found what I'm looking for.
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Re: The Joke of the Day

Unread postby NATAN » Fri May 19, 2017 8:22 pm

"Doctor, doctor, You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking!"
"Do you drink a lot?"
"Not really - I spill most of it!"
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Re: The Joke of the Day

Unread postby NATAN » Thu Jul 06, 2017 10:24 am

What has four legs and one arm? :?





A very happy pitbull :lol:
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Re: The Joke of the Day

Unread postby NATAN » Thu Aug 10, 2017 11:55 am

Q: Why do golfers wear two pair of pants ?


A: In case they get a hole in one !

:loco:
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