Clan {DOU}

What do you call a cow with no legs??
Ground Beef

What do you call a cow with 2 legs??
Lean Ground Beef

What do you call a cow who jumps over a barbwire fence??
Utter disaster

What do you call a cow with an abortion??
Decaffeinated

A policeman sees a little girl riding her bike and says, “Did Santa get you that?" “Yes,” replies the little girl. “Well," says the policeman, "tell Santa to put a reflector light on it next year,” and fines her five dollars. The little girl looks up at the policeman and says, "Nice horse you’ve got there, did Santa bring you that?” The policeman chuckles and replies, “He sure did!" “Well,” says the little girl, “next year, tell Santa the d*ck goes under the horse and not on it."

A woman had never seen Santa Claus before, but on Christmas Eve night she heard someone come down her chimney so she went downstairs to check it out. ''Oh, it's Santa Claus," she said, "Please stay and chat this is the first time I have met you." Santa replied, "Ho ho ho, I need to go. I need to go!" The lady took off her robe, but Santa said, "Ho ho ho, I need to go. I need to go!" The lady slipped off her nightgown and Santa told her, "Ho ho ho, I need to go. I need to go!" Then the lady removed her panties, and Santa said, ''Hey hey hey, I need to stay. I need to stay, 'cause I can't go up the chimney with my dick this way!

that was kinda fucking funny

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. n a very deep, husky voice, a woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?” The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, “No … not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times."

lol

Two prostitutes are standing on a corner. One says, "Tonight is gonna be a good night. I can smell the dick in the air." The other says, "Sorry, I just burped."

vioguez wrote:The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"

lol, funny shit.

T

One day a guy comes into a bar:
- Bartender, two shots of vodka, please.
He drinks them, pays a bill and goes out.
Next day the same guy comes into the bar:
- Bartender, two shots of vodka, please.
He drinks them, pays a bill and goes out.
It repeats itself day after day.:
- Bartender, two shots of vodka, please.
Finally interested bartender asks the guy:
- Why don't you drink one glass of vodka instead of these two shot-glasses?
- I drink one shot to me and the second one to my friend, which is roaming the sea.
-Ah, I understand.
After half a year the guy comes into the bar and says:
- Bartender, one glass of vodka, please.
- What happened, did your friend drown?
- No, he didn't drown. I stopped drinking.

n the morning Tom calls to his boss:
- Good morning, boss, unfortunately I'm not coming to work today. I'm really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache, and my both hands and legs hurt, so I'm not coming into work."
The boss replies:
- You know Tom, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife, and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better, and I can go to work. You should try that.
2 hours later Bob calls:
- Boss, I followed your advise, and I feel great! I'll be at work soon. By the way, you got nice house.

So a Communist a Muslim and an Illegal alien walk into a bar and the bartender say.

Hello Mr. President