Clan {DOU}

It was a cold stormy winter night. "Turkey," as he was know by his associates, sat alone beside a burning fireplace in an old cabin in the mountains. On his shoulder sat his trusty old parrot "Splinky." Apparently the bird had died several years ago but Turkey had yet to notice. Just as Turkey started dozing off, the door to the cabin swung open and in walked...

Ginger, the ex-porn actress that he had a tryst with years earlier while he was a delivery boy for Dunkin Donuts in L.A. She took every penny he had an kicked him out on the street. He turned to look at her standing in the doorway and couldn't believe that the first words out of her mouth were....

"You going to eat that ?"referring to Splinky,who was now laying on Turkey's wooden leg where he had fallen to after Turkey was frighten by the sight of Ginger standing in his doorway .Just about the time Turkey started to answer Ginger reached down and .........

...grabbed a fork and moist towelette out of her hand bag. Ginger was now insanely obese due to her addiction to Dunkin Donuts. "You bastard." said Ginger, her voice trembling. "You and your free doughnuts that you used to seduce me have made me into this. This is my punishment for kicking you out. Now I realize that I am madly in love with you. Oh Turkey, will you have me back"
Turkey looked Ginger from head to toe. He closed his eyes and whispered...

Sorry Ging, no fat chicks. This is an unwritten law I live by.
she turns eyes welled with tears and said.....

..."Since that's how you want it..."
She reached into her handbag and then looked down into his eyes.
"If I can't have you....

"...can I have your wooden leg? I can put at least a dozen donuts on it. Being an ex porn actress, I can probably consume the whole dozen at one time with it, if you know what I mean." Ginger winked at Turkey through the tears as she pulled the box of donuts from her handbag.
Turkey's good leg started shaking vigorously. A lustful smile appeared on his face. He grabbed his...*EDIT* toupee, straightened it out and exclaimed...

"I wish I had filled my Viagra prescription. Oh well, I still have that unwritten law thing to fall back on."

Tukey, in his usual aggitated and impulsive state, reached behind his chair pulling out a 12 guage shotgun loaded with deer slugs. He looked at Ginger and said "Bitch, you are spiced!" He then proceeded to shoot her twice in the chest throwing her right through the front door where she dropped dead.

As he sat there looking at her dead body, he noticed something off in the distance. Someone was walking toward the cabin. As that someone got closer he finally realized that it was a T800 Terminator.

The terminator walked into the cabin and said...

You killed my step sister now its time for revenge.....

Seeking to cause turkey the most mental trama, T800 shot the crap out of Turkey's server array. "Trouble tickets....HAHAHAHA" T800 said as he was leaving "I'll be back"

Little did T800 know that Turkey's customers were so used to his shit going down no one complaned.

After about 6 months, Ginger's dead carcuss really started to get ripe. This is just what Turkey had been waiting for. He walked outside and picked Ginger up throwing her over his shoulder, and walked to the back shed. As he was walking, he looked up and saw...

A policeman who looked staring at his work ...

Turkey was scared, but the policeman only wanted to know if he had heard gunfire on the night of Christmas... when Santa Claus disappeared without a trace, just after leaving gifts to the Clan DOU guys...

"These snipers are suspected of shooting at the reindeer that night ..." the policeman said...

Turkey, swallow... and said....

..."Fuck Santa. That bastage has screwed me over every year for the past 15."

Turkey quickly grabbed Splinky and rammed him down the policeman's throat killing him instantly. Turkey immediately regretted that. He thought to himself "It's so unlike me to be that impulsive."

Turkey was now a cop-killer.

What he didn't realize was that in that them there parts, what he did to Splinky was more of a crime then killing the cop. Off in the distance he saw a PETA wagon coming up the road with it's sirens blazing. Yes, PETA is everywhere and knows everything.

Turkey thought to himself "I have only one chance here." He grabbed his cell-phone and called his travel agent and ordered a one-way ticket to Entonia. This was because if anybody would have his back, it would be...

happy... because, when arriving to Estonia, Turkey was arrested by the authorities....

Caused by a cell phone or radio call from the pilot of the plane, Turkey was charged for four crimes:
- Excesive taunts during the fly...
- Inapropiate lenguage about the food...
- Indecent proposals to the five hostess...
- Excesive baggage weight...

In the jail, Turkey remembered an old and well known lawyer at Tallinn, named Chicken...

Turkey call him and then....

started to cry like a baby ,he said he needed his help to get out of jail,chicken said his mama would bribe the guard with favors and donuts if she could have his corvette as collateral , he replyed well ok . buy the way your father is still here waiting for the hangman to come off vacation, said he was feeling bad about the dog eating the winning lottery ticket, about that time ,a guard yelled the terminator is here and he wants to