We 'Sconnies are currently working on legislation to deport all these people from Sheboygan county to Michigan accross the lake...
From our good friends at WAPL"s morning show...
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Sometimes things happen in the news that leave you so dumbfounded that only thing you can do (or at least the only thing Rick McNeal can do) is write a poem.
There’s a story in today’s news,
that clearly cannot be ignored,
that comes to us, not surprisingly,
fFrom on the ol' lake shore.
Some crazy behavior
was certainly on display.
Meaning this is not just a poem, but also
our, "Weird-Ass Sheboygan County Story of the Day".
It was early on Monday morning
when police received the call
to come to a residence on Broadway Street,
there in Sheboygan Falls.
When officers arrived
at the reported address
they found a couple men
and a fight already in progress.
What is it could make
these men act so deranged?
Well, this is Sheboygan County
So, you know it’s gotta be something strange!
Turns out Ian T. Kinney
found himself non to chipper.
He was angry at Jesse J. TenPas
for… borrowing his slippers.
Days earlier TenPas had put on Kinney’s footwear,
without his permission.
Because he didn’t want to be walking in his stocking feet
In the carpet's current condition.
You see, the reason that TenPas
Simply didn’t wanna
walk on the carpet in his socks
was it was stained from the smoking of so much marijuana.
It was nasty, dirty and gross
all covered in ugly black spots.
I guess you could say that literally
yhis carpet had gone to pot.
When Kinney found out
he went sort of mental
and charged TenPas ten dollars
for unauthorized slipper rental.
But unfortunately for Tenpas,
he just didn’t pay.
And Kinney started charging him interest
at a rate of another ten dollars every day.
When the total reached 140 bucks
Kinney tried collecting his debt.
By allegedly attacking Tenpas
and punching him while he slept.
Yes, Tenpas got a rude awakening,
finding Kinney in the midst
of taking out his revenge
And beating him with his fists.
Now Kinney’s facing 11 grand in fines
and maybe a year in jail.
And his attempts to collect the money for his slipper rental
Have come to no avail.
And what about poor Jesse TenPas,
who was attacked by that creep?
I’m guessing he’s going to have some trouble napping
for fear of again being assaulted in his sleep.
So, my advice to him if he can’t relax
Rip out that carpet that’s marijuana stained and ratty.
Roll that sucker up and light it.
and smoke it like a big old fatty.
And another from our dysfunctional neighbors to the Southeast...
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Is it something in the water?
Is it something in the air?
All I know is that when it comes to weird ass happenings
No other county can compare.
Naturally, I’m talking about Sheboygan County
Because they’re in the news again.
Maybe it’s something in the brats
that makes the county a haven of oddball lawlessness and sin.
Once again some crazy behavior
was certainly on display.
Meaning yet again this is not just a poem
but also our, "Weird-Ass Sheboygan County Story of the Day".
Yesterday Anastacio Molina Junior,
was in Sheboygan County Circuit Court.
Facing charges of disorderly conduct and criminal damage
according to the police report.
Molina argued with his live in girl friend
about something probably absurd.
Then she told him he should move out
and that’s when "the incident" occurred.
Molina was allegedly so incensed.
He was moved to commit a violent act.
So he grabbed his girlfriend’s 12 year old son’s pet tropical fish…
...and stomped that sucker flat!
Apparently, Molina
wanted to take his anger out on something squishy.
Which is why when police arrived on the scene
they could immediately tell something was fishy.
Fish guts were strewn about the floor.
Fishy eyes and fishy fins.
Fishy gills, fish scales and fishy lips.
‘Cuz t it just ain’t that pretty when a fishy meets a violent end.
The reports are curiously vague
about if the boy was present at the time of the fishycide
But even if he wasn’t there
the death of a beloved pet can be difficult for a child.
I gotta tell you people,
there’s something I solemnly do wish,
that none of you ever have a young child come home
to find a chalk body outline of his pet fish.
There many things in this world I can do.-
But certainly one thing that I can’t.
And that one things explaining to an young boy why his fish is missing
and his home looks like the scene of an accident at the Mrs. Paul’s Processing Plant.
I just hope when the boy saw the evidence,
so gruesome, sloppy and juicy,
he put his beloved dead pet a good use...
...and made himself some sushi.
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