Some football favorites....

"Twas the night before the playoffs and all through the dome, you know that shithole the Vikings call home? The speakers were placed by the benches with care, pumping fake crowd noise into the air. One must admit it's a terrible vision, cheap shots and bad calls won the division. Their schedule has been like a bowl full of cherries. Who have they played but retards and fairies? Their fair weather fans are losers no doubt, half of their games are usually blacked out. And I asked Santa Claus as I crawled on his lap, when will the Vikings finally take a crap? 'The Playoffs he said as he took a big toke, that's when the Vikings usually choke.' Their fans can all say as they eat cheese and crackers, 'Who cares if we choke, we still beat the packers.' And I heard Santa as he mounted his sleigh, 'No Vikings Super Bowl, no Fucking Way!'

"Stupid people shouldn't breed....There's enough Viking Fans

already."

A Houston Texan, some guy from Illinois, and a Packer Fan are riding horses out on the range. The Texan, just to show off, pulls an expensive bottle of whiskey out of his saddlebag, takes a couple drinks, throws the bottle in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots it in mid-air. The guy from Illinois is shocked and asks, "What are you doing? That's a perfectly good bottle of whiskey!" The Texan replies, "In Texas, there's plenty of whiskey and bottles are cheap!"

A little while later, not wanting to be outdone, the guy from Illinois pulls out a bottle of champagne, takes a few sips, throws the bottle into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots it, just like the Texan. The guy from Wisconsin can't believe it. "What are you doing? That was a very expensive bottle of champagne. With a wink to the Texan he says "In Chicago, there's plenty of champagne and bottles are cheap."

About 15 minutes later, the Packer Fan pulls out a bottle of Blitz Beer. He opens it and takes a sip. Then another sip. Then he chugs the rest of the bottle. He then places the bottle back in his saddlebag, pulls out his gun and shoots the guy from Illinois. The Texan is visibly shaken. "What did you do that for?!?!" The Packer Fan replies, "Well, in Wisconsin, we have plenty of people from Illinois, and Blitz Beer bottles are returnable."