Three blondes were taking a walk in the country when they came upon a line of tracks. The first blonde said, "Those must be deer tracks!"
The second blonde said, "No, stupid, anyone can tell those are rabbit tracks!"
The third blondie said, "No, you idiots, those are horse tracks!"
They where still arguing ten minutes later when a train hit them.
A blonde goes into a library and cheerfully says, "Hi! I'm here to see the doctor!"
In a stern, but hushed voice, the librarian says, "Miss, this is a library."
So the blonde lowers her voice and says, "Oh sorry!" Then whispers, "I'm here to see the doctor."
A blonde is suffering from a sore throat so she goes to see the doctor.
She explains the problem to the doctor who asks her to sit down.
He gets out his light and says, "Open wide".
"I can't," replies the blonde, "the chair's fitted with arms."!
A new TV game show in Hollywood had many contestants who were beautiful, but they weren't necessarily too smart. On one show, one such woman was extremely nervous, but tried to make the best of her performance.
The host asked, "Who was the first man, for one thousand dollars?"
She responded, "The first man was Peter, my postman, but he only paid me one hundred dollars!"
A blonde girl came running home from school, and said: "Mommy, Mommy! Guess what! Today at school we learned numbers. All the other girls could only count to 5, but I could count to 10! Is it because I'm a blonde?" "Yes dear" her mother answered.
The next day, the blonde girl came home from school and said: "Mommy, Mommy!" "Today we learned the alphabet. The other girls could only get to the letter E; but I could recite all the way to G!" "Is it because I'm a blonde?" "Yes dear" her mother answered.
On the third day, she came home again and shouted: "Mommy, Mommy!" "Today we had gym class, and all the other girls were flat chested, but I've got these!" With that, she pulled up her shirt to reveal a nice set of 36 D's. "Is it because I'm a blonde Mommy?" "NO dear", her mother replied, "It's because you're 26 years old."
7 Degrees of Blonde
FIRST DEGREE:
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."
SECOND DEGREE:
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up.. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
THIRD DEGREE:
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!" The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
FOURTH DEGREE:
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."
FIFTH DEGREE:
Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
A: "Is it mine?"
SIXTH DEGREE:
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her U. S. government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about? Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "Thatwas the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."
SEVENTH DEGREE:
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman."
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Q. What do you call a blonde standing on her head?
A. A brunette with bad breath. :rollinglaugh:
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