Tandem story. kickass : )

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from

Venus"?

Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor at an

American University: "Today we will experiment with a new form

called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will

pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One

of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The

partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph

to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and

so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each

time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely

NO talking and anything you wish to say must be written on the

paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been

reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:

Rebecca -(last name deleted), and Gary - (last name deleted).

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STORY:

(first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The

chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home,

now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times,

that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs,

keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she

thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So

chamomile was out of the question.

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(second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron

now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about

than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with

whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to

Geostation 17, he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar

orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he

could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and

blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct

hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

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(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt

one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who

had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its

pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon.

"Congress Passes Law! Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"

Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously

excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her

youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no

newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of

innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one

lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

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(Gary)

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to

live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership

launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy

peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty

through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the

hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human

race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian

ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize

the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated

their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the

atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile

submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt

the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid,

Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist

on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that

treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

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(rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My

writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semiliterate adolescent.

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(gary)

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose

attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh

shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of

FUCKING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads

too many Danielle Steele novels."

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(rebecca) Asshole.

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(gary) Bitch.

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(rebecca) Wanker.

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(gary) Eat shit.

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(rebecca) Get fucked.

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(gary) Go drink tea - slut.

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(rebecca) FUCK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!

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(teacher) A+ --- I really liked this one.