THE MALE RULES

THE MALE RULES We always hear "the rules" from the

female side. Now here are the rules from the male

side. These are our rules! Please note... these are

all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.

If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it

down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving

it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not

quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet

again!

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live

with it.

.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the

changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always

more attractive than short hair. One of the big

reasons guys fear getting married is that married

women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck

with her.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never

going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this

one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not

work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and

anniversaries on the calendar. Remind us frequently

beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes

you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out

of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to

almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help

solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your

girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is in-admissible in

an argument. In fact, all comments become null and

void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret

girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't

ask us. We refuse to answer.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways,

and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant

the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us

how you want it done. Not both. If you already know

best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to

say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and

neither do we.

1. The relationship is never going to be like it was

the first two months we were going out. Get over it.

And quit whining to your girlfriends.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows

default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not

a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea

what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our

lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how

little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we

will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying,

but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,

expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything

you wear is fine.

Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint,

the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to

take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which

quiz.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to

sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really

don't mind that, it's like camping.

1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.

Sorry its so big lol 😆