Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
And my FAVORITE......
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
Here are the answers to some and some that you did not ask. And the ones on my DOU app are here too.
1 Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
A. Some feel that it maybe a failure of the connection of the switch, or that greater current may be delivered if they persist and push harder. Others are just tight fisted idiots who don’t want to shell out for batteries.
2 Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
A. Banks feel this is an appropriate handling fee for the reversal of transactions where they must re-imburse another transaction provider for the failed transaction; the reality is that is not 30 quids worth of a processors time. See second statement of first answer.
3 Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
A. The general human being rarely questions the unknown and un-resolved, but will doubt a persons statement if the visual interpretation suggests otherwise. I personally like saying the paints dry now and walking away.
4 Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
A. Glue will stick to the wrong type of bottle, but typically; the manufacture uses plastics which will not allow a chemical bond or create a surface not capable of bonding with the glue.
5 Why do they use sterilised needles for death by lethal injection?
A. For health and safety (those muppets again) reasons mostly, imagine previously killing an infected deathrow prisoner, only for the executioner to be infected if he drops the needle on his hand. Other forms suggest that a needle would become clogged by the coagulating blood cells in the needle, thus preventing an effective dose of the lethal injection.
6 Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
A. Film Directors typically feel the attractiveness of a powerful character to females would be lost if his full face were not shown. Also because they’re idiots.
7 Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a gun at him?
A. Who ever said his head was bullet proof? Kinda like why football players in Italy can be punched with no problem, but a blade of grass can take them to their knees.
8 Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
A. To ensure they still have radio communications while they complete their attack. Xerses was right I just could not let him win, now you have.
9 Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
A. The word originates for its Germanic form of Wlyspian, a mimic of the sound produces, later adapted to lisp from the form of lisper, a person with a limited lateral flow of air over the tongue and teeth. Whats funnier is the unusually cruel use of the words, “stutter” “stammer” and the profession “Clinical Speech Therapist/Pathologist”
10 What is the speed of darkness?
A. Equal to that of light.
11 Are there specially reserved parking spaces for non-disabledpeople at The Special Olympics?
A. Yes, they are called officials reserved parking.
12 If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it?
A. In Cardboard to prevent external crushing of the light-weight and shock adsorbent material.
13 If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
A. If you clarify that for the human body temp. is 37.5 Degrees C average, and Freezing is 0 degrees C, then -37.5 should be about right.
14 If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
A. Evolution from particular species are typically due to mutation or many mutations from it’s original form, take a bird for example, a bird’s origins can be found in lizards, yet there are still lizards right? Snakes can be seen as having the same origins also.
15 If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?
A. To help us with a purpose in life. Or to ensure the in-appropriate use of social funds.
16 Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
A. I would say they actually live longer out of spite.
17 If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation?
A. It’s typically now called D.I.D. Disassociative Identity Disorder, and a sufferer may see it that way yes, but it should depend on which of the personalities is making the threat; if it’s the legally identifiable personality the no. Yes it is… No it’s not, shut up and go home… I can’t!...
Why not?... I’ll go if you go…
18 Can you cry under water?
A. Yes, but the tears would dissipate and dilute in the water preventing visible sign of the emotion.
19 What level of importance must a person have, before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
A. Assassination usually suggests Pre-meditation to commit murder, where as murder is typically not that thoroughly planed. Then it’s up to the news papers to decide. I’d say anyone with a public presence.
20 If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
A. Both originate from the Latin word Branca which translates to “Paw”, or a position geographically different from the parent organization.
21 Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
A. Have you ever tried to make a round box?
22 How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on bigger suitcases?
A. Suitcases with wheels appeared on commercial trunks 200 years ago, we just forgot about it for some years though.
23 Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up, like, every two hours?
A. I’m sure most people say that instead of saying “well I woke up crying last night and my pyjama pants were soaked, and there was a mushy feeling in my knickers”, I slept like a baby is surely a more polite way of saying, “I suffer night time incontinence”.
24 If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
A. Only if it’s the judge that is deaf does it no longer have the right to be called a hearing. Along same lines as “tree falls in wood, no one there to hear it.”
25 Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
A. Me personally have never done this, I prefer to look with binoculars up through the glass floors of SkyTower in Auckland, NZ (preferably during summer), though, having asked a lot of friends, most do it to reduce the feeling of vertigo, others like the feeling of empowerment. Kids, please don’t throw rocks down to kill ants though. Others a just Idiots… Bring your boot polish for them.. just a dab on the eye pieces.
26 Why do doctors, when they ask you to strip, leave the room or close the cubicle curtain while you change? ............ they're still going to see you naked anyway.
A. Doctors typically like to show a certain level of decency, often for the comfort of the patient, thus allowing the patient to reveal their body at their discretion; I was shocked to learn from a friend that he needs time to prepare for really ugly patients though.
As for the meaning of life…. I believe there is a group of Middle Managers in a committee somewhere in the world that will discuss this issue some time after they’ve agreed on the position of a water cooler and the colour of the latest user manuals cover.
What was revealed to me about the Meaning, well, I’ll suggest it’s between the documents proving that hell is exothermic and that the big bang is the cause of why toast always falls butter side down.
Wow, you need a new hobby 
I'll answer a few of these as time permits. I'll start with the evolution one. Bison, you need to do your homework. Charger, you just offered an analogy to the original question, so you just re-asked the question and did not offer an answer.
First, about the homework. Darwin did not say we evolved from apes. Look this up. Instead he said that humans and apes had a similar evolutionary path. Meaning we both evolved from something else.
Evolution is one of the few topics that I actually do not like to debate. This is because both the people who support evolution and those who support intelligent design have no fn idea what they are talking about. So I usually end up having to explain evolution instead of argueing [for it]. I think evolution SHOULD be mandatory in school just so people stop trying to present mis-informed arguements.
Next, a few myths (misconceptions) about evolution.
#1 - There is more food on land in a certian area at a certain time, so fish evolve to live on land for greater survival potiental. This is just silly.
#2 - No species evolves to become more intelligent. This is also intelligent design. If it happens it happens, but it was random.
The funny thing about #1 & #2 is that many people who think they know evolution will use these as arguements, not realizing that they are in fact argueing for intelligent design.
#3 - As stated above, there are no half ape / half human beings running around because we are not evolved from apes. We are their cousins, not their children. We are actually closer related to dogs than apes. Dogs and humans are actually only 2 chrosomone differences apart. Humans and Dogs experience emotion almost identically. Again, Dogs and Humans are cousins.
#4 - When a species evolves, it does not necessarily (but may) replace the species it evolved from. More on this below.
O.K. people, here in a cyber-nutshell is how evolution works, and why people of religion hate it so much.
Take a species that exists. We will use a bird since that was what Darwin used to explain evolution (and what gave him the idea). For whatever reason (environmental factors, climate changes, cosmic radiation, etc) a RANDOM genetic mutation occurs. The bird then reproduces and passes on the genetic mutation to the offspring.
Thats it people...I hope you weren't expecting more, thats evolution. That is all there is to it, nothing more.
But let me explain a few things so you will better understand the controversy.
After a new species emerges, it goes head to head with the species it evolved from. Something called "survival of the fittest" then takes place. The more fit to survive will, and the less fit to survive will perish. Funny thing though, sometimes the environment is hospitable to both the original species and the evolved species, and so both are fit to survive. This is why there are so many different types of animals on the planet. Lots of different birds, lots of different fish, etc. Every wonder about humans? Many different races, right? Genetic mutations baby. Actually, there is rather compelling evidence that we all evolved from blacks, and the mother-land is Africa.
Evolution does not always produce a superior species (from the one it evolved from). Some beings that evolved from others perished right away do to not being fit to survive where the other original species was.
Before I go further, I will explain the teaser above. Do you yet see why religion hates evolution so much? It is because the theory is 100% completely godless. It is a random occurance and in no way purpose driven. The mutation did not happen to help the species become better. It was random. Nature didn't know what the outcome would be. Nature was not trying to make something happen. Nature is not a conscious entity.
Human beings are considered the most intelligent species on our planet. We did not arrive to that intelligence through planning of any sort. It happened by chance...it was random, an accident of nature. We have the opportunity to evolve to become even more intelligent, but this will be more through a process called natural selection. This in part means that we are intelligent enough select the proper mates to produce the best possible offspring. It is still evolution, but manipulated evolution. Natural selection + survival of the fittest will allow us to become more.
See how complicated this gets? And how easy it is to get confused? Here is another (and my last) example, and a great one. Humans reproduce through something called sex (gasp!). This is done so there can be a greater genetic diversity and thus allow for better survival potiental of the species. Bullshit! No. Thats intelligent design. Through a series of random genetic mutations over many evolutionary steps, we evolved in to one of the many different species that reproduce in this manner. As luck would have it, this is the superior way to reproduce, and thus we find ourselves more fit to survive as a species. How fortunate for us 🙂
Questions?
Well, seeing how I am in the mood to write, and seeing how I picked on all the errors people make when discussing evolution, how about if I pick on the other side too?
What really burns my ass (besides a flame about this high), is when a christian tells me that he has a personal relationship with God. Bullshit. Do your homework. I guess the person who says this got so into reading the Bible that by the time they got to the end of it they forgot how it started.
Adam and Eve lived in this joint called "The Garden Of Eden." It was for all intents and purposes a "Paradise." Sounds pretty cool. Well, the idiots were told not to eat the fruit growing on the "Tree Of Knowledge," but said screw it and did so anyway. As they were fore-warned, they were promptly ejected.
Of couse, like any other mythology, the Bible is written in metaphor, nobody debates this, it is the way any great literature is written. For better of for worse, the Bible is considered great literature.
The "Tree Of Knowledge" represents knowledge of God. God was saying that you will not know me, you cannot know me. You cannot understand me. Duh, he is after all a God.
So to those people who claim to have a personal relationship with God, jerks! Thanks for getting me kicked out of paradise.
Again, not taking either side here, just saying if people are going to argue one way or the other they should get their facts straight first.
If anyone has gotten this far, all I can say is that I am impressed. I will conclude this mildly psychotic rant here 🙂
Tommy
P.S. The sad thing is that I do actually think about this sort of thing all the time.
I thought this was the forum for fun. Thanks for killing it Tommy. LOL
psychotic, but not mildly. 😆
{DOU}Charger wrote: I thought this was the forum for fun. Thanks for killing it Tommy. LOL
psychotic, but not mildly. 😆
LOL!!
I wanted to make one thing clear. I am not saying that evolution is godless, it may very well be that god is guiding the whole thing (if thats what you believe). I was saying that Darwins theory of evolution is what is godless.
T
{DOU}Charger wrote: 18 Can you cry under water?
A. Yes, but the tears would dissipate and dilute in the water preventing visible sign of the emotion.
It cover up *a* visible sign of the emotion, but not all of them.
T
Tommy wrote: [quote={DOU}Charger]I thought this was the forum for fun. Thanks for killing it Tommy. LOL
psychotic, but not mildly. 😆
LOL!!
I wanted to make one thing clear. I am not saying that evolution is godless, it may very well be that god is guiding the whole thing (if thats what you believe). I was saying that Darwins theory of evolution is what is godless.
T
Keep digging you will never get out. 😆
{DOU}Charger wrote: [quote=Tommy][quote={DOU}Charger]I thought this was the forum for fun. Thanks for killing it Tommy. LOL
psychotic, but not mildly. 😆
LOL!!
I wanted to make one thing clear. I am not saying that evolution is godless, it may very well be that god is guiding the whole thing (if thats what you believe). I was saying that Darwins theory of evolution is what is godless.
T
Keep digging you will never get out. 😆
I'm not digging at all, I completely stand by what I said. I just wanted my thoughts to be clear.
T
I prefer Wright's theory of evolution
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
Darwin was adopted. :nana:
{DOU}Charger wrote:
8 Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
A. To ensure they still have radio communications while they complete their attack. Xerses was right I just could not let him win, now you have.
:nana:
)(er)(es wrote: [quote={DOU}Charger]
8 Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
A. To ensure they still have radio communications while they complete their attack. Xerses was right I just could not let him win, now you have.
:nana:
I knew this a long time ago I just wanted to take the other side. 😆
Kind of like you do.... 😈
This is really interesting reading all this. I feel somewhat out-of-place, but as a third party it's good to see that people actually still have interesting conversations. I have to say high school kids (such as myself) don't impress me much with things they say...
Latest Post: IRC How-To Our newest member: Wrotkaw Recent Posts Unread Posts
